100 Random Things About Moi
1. I am 4'11", hence—
2. I am obsessed with the number 411 and I photograph it whenever I see it. I also force people around me to celebrate on April 11 whether they're feeling festive or not. I try to work the number 411 into every book I write.
3. I have 2,502 photographs (so far) posted on my Flickr page.
4. I am a coffee snob, and I have free-trade, organic beans delivered to my house monthly from Green Mountain Coffee Roasters.
5. I hate cooking.
6. I check the Billboard charts obsessively, almost as if I were a recording artist. Which I am not.
7. I used to think the curbs at my elementary school were unusually high. Then I went back to visit as an adult, and they were just normal height.
8. I cannot sleep when someone is snoring in the room. Plus, I want to kill the snoring person.
9. I can't sleep without reading first, no matter how exhausted I am.
10. I suck at math. Always have, always will, don't care.
11. I haven't written down a check since 1993, and yet I don't bounce them. Ever.
12. I hate debt.
13. When I paid off my student loans from college, I wrote "FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST!" in the note corner.
14. Sometimes I still dream in German.
15. I think overly melodramatic cop shows on TV suck.
16. I feel tall when I'm just around myself.
17. Sweat pants are my favorite clothing.
18. I hate wearing shoes, especially in the house. But despite that,
19. I own a killer pair of Manolo Blahniks that were WAY too expensive, even on sale. (Not that I regret buying them at ALL).
20. I have a secret desire to live in Weehauken, New Jersey.
21. When I was little, I "aspired" to be either a cocktail waitress or a clown. Both jobs sounded glam to me.
22. I'm an introvert, but everyone thinks I'm an extrovert just because I'm not shy.
23. I collect geeky socks.
25. I'm a bit of a pack rat. Okay, I am a pack rat. (See #24 above)
26. I love American Idol. In fact, I've traveled out of state twice to attend Idol concerts, and I'm darn proud of it.
27. I like gloomy, rainy days better than sunny ones.
28. I've been unceremoniously dumped by a friend simply for being who I am.
29. I subsequently realized it was no big loss.
30. I once answered the 9-1-1 line at work by saying, "Hello?"
31. I think the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland is scarier than a horror flick.
32. Mornings are evil. Sunrises are cool, but they come way too early in the day.
33. I think shooting stars, black cats, and dragonflies are good luck.
35. I own way too much yarn, however. (See #25 above)
35. I love to quilt, too.
36. My fabric stash is also insanely out of control. (Again, to #25)
37. When I go to my writing office to work, I ALWAYS take a nap on the big orange Foof at some point in the day.
39. I love primates—apes, gorillas, monkeys—you name it.
40. I can spread my toes out like fingers, probably because I'm part monkey. (That's my story, and I'm sticking to it).
41. I can also pinch really hard with my toes, just ask my sisters.
42. I often have the uncontrollable urge to laugh out of control at really inappropriate times, like during funerals or when I'm getting an evaluation at work.
43. I studied Kenpo karate, but only made it to my orange belt because I couldn't stand sparring with totally sweaty guys.
44. I was pissed at my dad for making me go see Rocky for my 10th birthday, but then it turned out that I liked it.
45. I had kidney stone surgery when I was eleven.
46. I've since had eight additional kidney stones. Yippee.
47. I hate black pepper with a white-hot fiery passion.
48. Watching people kiss passionately on movies or TV grosses me out.
49. The day our little dog, Gulliver, got hit by a car and died ranks as one of the top five worst days of my life. Maybe even the top three.
50. I laugh at fart jokes. Always.
51. The other day I saw a big, burly biker on a Harley Davidson, but he was wearing a nun's habit. I still can't figure it out.
52. I was born three weeks late.
53. Ever since I traveled to Italy, I have no tolerance for cheap wine.
54. I have my credit card number memorized, which is not good when you're an eBay addict.
55. I think books are one of the best investments ever.
56. My favorite teacher in school was Hal Shoun, even though I consistently earned a D in his class. (Science.) He was a great teacher because he never made me feel worthless even though I wasn't one of the stand-out students.
57. I once ran over an armadillo in the middle of the night in Texas, and I cried for sixty straight miles.
59. I had a dream once where Smidgey talked to me, and his voice sounded really cool.
60. I fainted once when someone was telling me a gross medical story.
61. I like ugly but comfortable underwear.
62. In seventh grade, someone mistook me for a boy (because we all wore the same clothes from the Gap back then, and I had an ugly Dorothy Hamill haircut), and it totally bummed me out.
63. I dated a particular jock in high school specifically because he wasn't the sharpest crayon in the 96-pack, so I got to call the shots. Not a shining moment for me as a person, but there you have it.
64. I go ballistic if anyone tries to "help" me by doing my laundry. Do not touch my garments. EVER.
65. I must have control of the remote or I'm edgy.
66. I am a procrastinator. I never started a college paper sooner than two days before it was due, and I never got anything less than an A. This frustrates my sister, who thinks my procrastination was getting positively reinforced. (It was).
67. Once, pulling an all-nighter in college to get a paper done, I completely forgot how to spell the word "of," and had to call my older sister to ask her.
68. I think mashed potatoes are a perfect food.
69. My sister tells me that I verbalize all the things that regular people are thinking but are too afraid (or polite) to say out loud. (True).
70. I kick ASS at the card game, Concentration.
71. Lucky Brand jeans are my favorite.
73. I buy workout DVDs that I never use.
74. On that note, after three in the morning, I can get totally sucked in by infomercials and suddenly feel like it's IMPERATIVE that I own a Bloomin' Onion, or whatever.
75. I overpack on trips.
76. I'm pure, spitting evil in the mornings until I've had my coffee.
77. I'm a glass-half-full person, and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason not to.
78. My favorite adult book of all time is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.
79. One of my favorite kid books ever is Part Time Dog, and mostly because one of the people gives the stray coffee and buttered toast every morning.
80. When I'm reincarnated, I want to come back as one of my dogs, because they're treated like little princes.
81. I'm completely, vocally AGAINST feeding dogs crappy people food.
82. My hair has purple highlights. I'm talking, grape soda purple.
83. I dig teenagers. Toddlers and babies I can totally do without.
84. I once locked my keys in my car in a really bad neighborhood, and I asked some loitering boys to break into my car. They did it in about twenty seconds.
85. I really dislike it when people are rude to waiters or people working fast food.
86. I'm a bit addicted to high-end skin care products.
87. I can play Text Twist on the computer for five hours at a stretch. Usually when I'm on deadline. (Refer to #66).
89. After we moved from Colorado to Washington DC when I was nine, my dad made us lie to my grandma on the phone and tell her we were still attending mass every Sunday.
90. All our dogs wear specialized seatbelts in the car.
91. I once went out into the backyard to get the dog and didn't realize I was naked until the wind blew.
92. I like cold cheese sandwiches. Bread, mayo, and a slice of sharp cheddar. This is a formula that cannot be tampered with, because I'm a purist.
93. When I left college and moved to Germany, I didn't have real furniture for a year. I had Thanksgiving dinner on a cardboard box, and it was one of the best holidays ever.
94. My first Christmas tree as an on-my-own adult was so freakin' Charlie Brown, I had to anchor it in a bucket of wet (clean) kitty litter and tie it to a nail in the wall with a piece of yarn.
95. I once, at age 19 or 20, made my mom drive to my apartment to empty out a Tupperware of lentil soup that had been in my fridge for five months, because I was afraid to do it on my own.
96. After I set off the alarms in airport security, a grandma-esque security guard who was feeling me up told me not to wear an underwire bra because—and I quote—"Honey, let's face it, you don't need one."
97. In eighth grade, I made my English teacher call me John Baker for the entire semester in silent protest of her heinous BO. She resisted at first, but finally everyone just went along with it and started calling me John. Even in my yearbook, everyone wrote stuff like, "John, you're a cool chick. Stay sweet."
98. My first big book review in a major publishing trade journal was written by a guy named—you guessed it—John Baker.
100. It's easier to come up with one hundred random details about yourself than you'd imagine.